Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
