pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
