Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i think i just lost a toe
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
