I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
