Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
