My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
