i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
