Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
