I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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