I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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