Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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