ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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