she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate all girls vehemently.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
