in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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