Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
porn star boner night. come get it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
