I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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