that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
