i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
