She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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