my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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