i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
