And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
