btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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