dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
