stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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