I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize