guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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