I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
