I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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