How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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