First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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