I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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