note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
