Sry I called you an 8
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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