kristin has been a bad kristin
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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