I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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