When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
