We need to start having sex underwater more often.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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