She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
