went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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