the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
