pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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