Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm like, not good at living.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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