do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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