dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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