I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
