I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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