Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
