Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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