How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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