Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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