Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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