I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Randomize
