Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
