ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
