tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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