yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
