were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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