yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
