I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
