Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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