some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Found your dick twin last night
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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