We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
