I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
