What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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