Jerry, you need to find god
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
