can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
