if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
